Sex Appeal

Ladies, Let's Start a Revolution! by Edie, The Salsa FREAK
After giving a small women's styling workshop to a group of four women in Mountainview, CA, I've come to realize that knowing how to walk, sit, stand, and dance "sensually" is not something most of us were born with.

If we've never had ballet training growing up, and unless we have role models, we basically fumble around out there on the dancefloor and "try" to look good, with very little luck. It's not until we've seen a TRAINED dancer walk in the room, or on television that we realize we're missing "something" in our own dancing.

Take for example, a trained competitive Latin ballroom dancer. She appears to have been trained to have that "attitude". The attitude of charisma and character, which stems from her poise, her dress, and her physique. She has withstood hours, months, and years of rigid training on how to "look good". Every movement is a pose. Every walk is a picture. Every turn is a show...

Unfortunately watching a trained competitive Latin performer dance at a Salsa club is very rare. For some reason, they don't frequent the clubs as often as they do their dance studios. Most become professional competitors and instructors, and very rarely will be seen at a club. There is something about them, the way they move, stand, and even sit, that attracts the artful eye. Somehow we need to take what they've learned, and apply their concepts to make our "street style" of dancing more beautiful, sexy and fun.

What's great is that more than most other types of social dance, dancing Salsa allows the "sex appeal" to come out in a woman, and allows her the ability to show it.

One of the ways most of us "non-trained" dancers try to look sexy is by the clothes we wear. When we went to dinner after the class, the girls were talking about how most of us would never be caught DEAD in some of the outfits we wear to Salsa clubs. It's amazing what this dance and music brings out of us. Women really WANT to look good! Not only for the men, I'm here to tell you, we do it mostly for ourselves!

Deep down, and more than more than anything else, all Salseras want to look good DANCING. This, my friends, is where the tough part comes in. We can walk into a club, have great posture, look like a million bucks, even sit and stand sexily, but once we get on the dancefloor, it all falls apart. We may as well be wearing a paper bag.

BUT, you put a woman from the islands, or a trained Latin competitive dancer out there, and she would make even the paper bag look like the latest out of Bloomingdales.

Before I get all kinds of hate mail on this subject, I'm not saying that the only way you look sexy is by taking competitive Latin ballroom training, but what I am saying, is that if you don't have, nor were born with, natural sex appeal, the "natural" island hip movement, the look, the attitude, and the flaring of the hands, ballet and Latin ballroom dance training is the next best thing. Even Jazz training will do wonders for your styling and techniques. If you want to look great dancing, and you KNOW you're not a natural dancer, you've GOT to seek private women's styling training.

The only way a women can learn how to be and dance sensuously is from another woman. There is one exception however. You can pick up an enormous amount of information on how to walk, sit, and stand from male cross-dressers. They study and analyze the sexiest women, from the Marilyn Monroe's and Jane Crawford's of the past, to some of the runway models of today. They go for the "mermaid" look. There's a BIG difference between just standing there, and "posing" like Marilyn Monroe, standing there.

Every time I look at highly trained female dancers, it seems their EVERY MOVE ends up in some sort of pose. Searching for their keys is a pose. Looking around the room is a pose, sipping a drink is a pose. They have been trained so well on how to sit, stand, walk, and move, that being sexy is now natural to them.

We need to start a revolution and bring sex appeal BACK to this century and beyond. I've had it with looking, acting, walking, and sitting like our male counterparts. What good does that do? Does it make us equal with men? Not even. I was recently having a conversation with a gentleman, and he said the following, "Too many women these days are worrying so much about how to be equal with their male counterparts, that they forget they are actually superior..."

As Salsa dancers, we've lucked out because the absolute BEST place to start practicing our sex appeal is on the Salsa dance floor.... why?

We can get away with almost ANY SEXY STYLING while dancing Salsa. It's all right, and NO ONE will laugh at us. Dancing Salsa allows us to be ourselves - it even allows us to be something we think we're not.

It starts in the mind. Once we get over all our little "hang ups" about our own sex appeal, our bodies transform themselves, coming out of a cacoon state, into beautiful butterflies. There is nothing more sensual than a woman's beautiful basic, and lovely turn. There's nothing more sexy than a woman glancing at her partner straight in the eye while dancing, and softly touching her thigh and then neck. There's nothing more breathtaking than just before a turn, she caresses her hips for a split second, then shimmies her shoulders and at the end of the turn while thrusting her head and hair around, then beautifully back - ending with a grin, and little snap of her fingers...

THIS MUST BE TAUGHT AND SHOWN TO YOU BY SOMEONE ELSE WHO ALSO HAD TO LEARN HOW TO BE SEXY ON THE DANCE FLOOR...

Like I keep telling our beginners, there are no shortcuts. Being sexy takes practice, takes time, sometimes hurts, gets frustrating, and feels awkward and even stupid in the beginning - especially if you only put 80% into it. But once you get used to it, and put 110% into it, you become unusually beautiful, attractive, and alluring. You are no longer "jane standard". Now, you are "A sight to see! WOW!"

Once you've learned the basic techniques, they can be tailored to fit your own personality. Go for it! Take the lessons and run with it! Let's start a revolution ladies!!!

"The man is the frame, and the woman is the painting. Both of their eyes, arms, hands, and fingers are the brushes, that create this work of art."
- Edie, The Salsa FREAK

Inspirational letters from some friends about Sex Appeal on the dance floor...
Letters like these give me a COMPLETE RUSH

"Hi Edie -
I read your comments about women's styling on Salsaweb. I feel kind of famous :-) I take less convincing than most women to try the outrageously sexy stuff. Women need to know that they can be smart, athletic, successful, AND SEXY. What an incredibly irresistible package. Maybe I'm just a complete show off, but I love that stuff. I think an important piece of advice is to always remember to have fun with it (especially when you're just starting to incorporate sexy flairs). If you look like a dork every once in a while, so what. If you crack your partner up rather than knocking him out with your sexiness, so what! Don't take yourself too seriously, be confident, and just go for it.

I wanted to share my experience at Al's Christmas party with you. He works for [a large company]. There were probably a couple thousand people at this Christmas party.

There were 2 dance floors and 2 bands. The bands were, of course, not playing salsa, but when one of the bands took a break, we convinced the DJ to play a couple of salsa songs (We brought our own salsa CDs!). Al gave me a "So you really want to do this?" look and I shrugged "What the heck, I don't work with these people."

The dance floor was completely empty. We started dancing. No one came to join us, we had the floor completely to ourselves. About 30 seconds into the song, we did our first dip. I heard cheering and clapping and out of the corner of my eye, I saw flash bulbs going off. When I turned to look, I noticed that the entire dance floor was surrounded by people watching us dance. My heart leapt into my throat and I gave Al a real wide eyed look. I've never focused on him so much while dancing. It was an intense experience. I'm used to dancing in a club atmosphere, where for maybe one or two songs a night, I'll really connect with my partner.

Usually, my attention occasionally wanders, checking out who is there, who is dancing with whom, etc. Not on that empty dance floor with a couple hundred people watching us, he was the center of my universe. We really became one with each other and with the music. I think we actually danced well together.

What a complete rush. I was high all night and I hadn't had a thing to drink! A new aspect of salsa to be addicted to! As a beginner, I know I have a long way to go to be able to compete against and impress "real" salsa dancers, but it's something to strive for.

"Hi Edie,
Just wanted to thank you for the time spent in Mt. View and especially teaching the class to the four women. Jon and I have a much greater appreciation of the woman's role. On a personal note, I think Brynna mentioned that we attended [my company's] holiday party. We had our moment in the spotlight and it was alot of fun. What occurred to me as we danced with others watching was the concept of the frame and the picture. I finally got it and had such a great experience of crafting our dance style and the music to be one. Its always a matter of interpretation but for me and Brynna it was a moment to remember. Thanks for re-energizing the salsa experience for me.

"Hola Edie!
Just finished your article about being sexy on the dance floor. I agree 200% with your opinion. I was blessed with a very feminine (but NOT weak) mother who grew up in the golden days of feminine women (30's, 40's, 50's), and who herself was an avid dancer in her youth (she grew up in Shanghai, China, the Paris of the East). My mother has always said that women should be proud of and treasure their femininity, because it's a VERY powerful trump card ;-)

I have, of course, followed my mother's advice. My confirmation came when once I was dancing in New York's Copacabana (I was a tourist), and after dancing with a local, as I was walking off the dance floor, 1 of his friend got down on 1 knee and kissed my hand because he enjoyed watching "this very sexy China dance the REAL Latin way", as in oozing sexuality but NOT sleazy.

So, Edie, keep working on the sisters out there who think that femininity is a sign of weakness. No, No, No!!! It's more powerful than a gun to his head, girls, you can ask for anything you want.

Don't forget to tell the girls about that little flip of the hair, drives the salseros wild!!! I had a friend who just about dropped his fork over dinner when I did that ;-) he told me I should teach the cross dressers how to act like a woman!!!! Gee, should I take it as a compliment?????
Keep up the good work, Edie! Thanks for everything.
- Margarita

Edie, I just finished reading your article on Sex Appeal when dancing salsa . . . and I couldn't agree with you more!!! Unfortunately, I think that a lot of women (not Latin women) are afraid that if they show any sex appeal it is a sign of being the weaker sex and using this sex appeal as a means of getting what they want, which would be totally anti-feminist!

However, I enjoy watching a couple who do know how to dance well . . . it is like a work of art and I'm mesmerized by them! I think it's beautiful the way a man can lead the woman and the woman knows exactly where he's going and can follow . . . and they work together to complete this work of art. Thanks again for the article and your insight into the salsa sex appeal!!