Against All Odds... Loving Your Dance Partner
By Edie, The Salsa FREAK
I've decided to start a new column on Salsaweb for dance couples in dating or marital relationships who are in love with each other, and are literally beating the odds. This section is for couples who not only dance together, but also compete together, perform together, teach together, travel together, rehearse together, work together, eat together, sleep together, live together, and STAY TOGETHER, against all odds.
I'm cultivating this section not only for those of us looking for life partners that can also dance, but also selfishly, as my own personal therapy as well. Recently, God has introduced me to many very happy dance partners or couples in the dance scene who are beating the odds, and destroying my former belief that dating or marrying your dance partner is suicide. Through their examples, God has given me a new hope. More and more, throughout my travels, and by observation, I continue to find dance partners out there that can and do survive the trials of a dance partner relationship and/or marriage amidst the crowds of their single, wild friends in a world where marriage is under constant attack, and divorce rates continue to skyrocket.
In this section, you will read about dance partners who have made their relationships a success, and have beaten the odds. You will read about what they've had to go through, their trials and tribulations, their successes and failures, how they did it, and what they do on a daily basis to keep their relationships strong and alive. You'll also learn about what they do to avoid jealousy and temptations so prevalent in the dance world.
As dancers, each one of us at one point or another has dreamed of the thought of finding our soul mate in the dance scene - someone we know who will not only be our permanent dance partner, but also be true, genuine, and not cheat or lie to us. Although having a life dance partnership in today's world can be at times very difficult, with work, commitment, trust, and rules, it could actually happen. I've witnessed it work, and seen it first-hand.
Please feel free to utilize this column as therapy or counseling for your own relationships and spirit. Use this section as your own support group.
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome, to
Against All Odds... Loving Your Dance Partner"
What is so difficult about having a romantic, loving, and long lasting marriage with your dance partner? Well, you can read
various articles that I've written on the subject in the past, and I'll also list a brief summary of some of the most destructive reasons right here:
1. Dishonesty, unfaithfulness, lack of trust or commitment
2. Spending too little, or too much time together
3. Lack of quality "alone time" together
4. Looking better on the dance floor with someone else rather than you
5. Going out separately on a regular basis
6. Arguing, fighting, or complaining too much during rehearsals, or nights out
7. That three-minute love affair they have with others on the dance floor as well as you
8. Spending more time on the dance floor with someone else other than you
9. Differing opinions on how you both should teach, perform, or dance together
10. Trying too hard to look perfect with each other out there
11. Giving too little, too late
12. Other dancers throwing themselves at your dance partner, and not caring about your relationship
13. Not appreciating each other enough
14. Lack of respect for each other
15. Getting "too comfortable" with each other
16. Taking each other for granted
17. Diminishing romance
18. Friends and family's opinions or comments about either one of you
The list could go on, but these are just some of the major problems dance couples experience and must learn to cope with throughout the relationship. You may as well know about all the problems up front, so you know what you're getting yourself into.
On the other hand, there are also a number of reasons why a dance partner relationship can and does work. When both of you share common passions or interests, you don't argue or complain as much. You spend more time together as a result, still enjoying what you used to do when you were single. You understand each other better. You can completely relate when a killer song comes on and you both look at each other with lusty eyes wanting to tear up the dance floor to THAT song - together.
When you share "dance" as your common passion, the beauty of the partnership intensifies. The thrill of the dance itself is magnified, and the passion you share becomes pure ecstasy. Dancing to an incredible song together, with the person you love, is like making love with them on a different level. It's passion taken to an entirely different dimension.
With that said, here are all the reasons "to" date or better yet, marry your dance partner:
1. Both of you share a common hobby or lifestyle
2. Have common goals
3. Love the same music
4. If you're both instructors, you both have common subject matter to discuss after work
5. Dancing is an integral part of both of your exercise program
6. If none of your friends show up at a club, you always have the perfect dance partner
7. Always have something to do each night of the week
8. You fall in love with each other over and over again when dancing together
9. You can relate to just about everything your partner does
10. You both want your kids to learn how to dance
11. If you're arguing, you can go dancing, and literally forget or start laughing about what you were arguing about to begin with.
12. Love to practice, and get better at your craft
13. You both share the same friends
14. Can listen to the same songs over and over and over again, without getting tired of them - together
15. Enjoy helping others learn to dance as well
16. You both come up with your own moves together
17. You both love to mingle with others and are more apt to be social than non-dancers
18. Never have to worry about being bored -just go out dancing!
Obviously, the list could go on! The list is wonderful, the list is great. But don't worry, I'm not living a fantasy life just yet. These things can actually happen with your dance partner, but only when certain boundaries and rules are put into place. When dance couples get together and dance with each other, it's one thing, but when they dance with others it's another. The common thread that I've found in most successful dancer partner marriages are spoken and unspoken rules, boundaries, and trust. Trust is the most important - even above communication and their love for each other.
The word TRUST can run so deep. Truthfully Respecting, Understnding, Surrendering, and Talking to each other is the foundation of that word.
Truthfully
- Always tell the truth in a loving way, even if you think it may hurt. Telling your dance partner / life partner EVERYTHING about your life, your dreams, your actions, and your thoughts is vital to a successful relationship. Dancers are more sensitive to each other than non-dancers, and trust me, if you try and hide feelings, or situations, it will eventually come out in the long run. Better to get it all out in the open immediately, before it becomes a problem. Laying all your cards on the table, telling the truth, and getting everything out in the open immediately is paramount to the foundations of trust Even if the truth hurts,
the truth will set you free.
Respecting - Taking the time to honor, lift up, cherish, and appreciate what God has given to you in a mate. Appreciating that finding a soulmate in your dance partner is a very rare thing indeed, and remembering to continuously be thankful for that. This means never putting them down, embarrassing, or teasing them in front of others. Respecting your partner means to continuously lift them up, and hold high honor of them, and backing them through thick and thin.
Understanding - Taking the time to listen, patiently. Finding that one still moment in time to stop everything you're doing, and feel what it's like to be in their shoes for a moment. Walk in their footsteps, and picture yourself as them for a while. Feel their pains, their joys, and their life. In learning more about each other by walking in their footsteps, we, in turn, learn about ourselves, and why we react to some of the things they do. Feeling for each other is key to peace and harmony in your partnership.
Surrendering - Casting down our own pride, to listen, understand, and cater to our partner's needs. There will be many times where we must bite our tongues, and hold back our hostilities. We may need to let our prides vent elsewhere, rather than all over our partners. We will need to admit our wrongs, bad habits, and bad or cocky attitudes, and ask our partner to help us with suggestions on how to work through them. We'll need to show selfless acts of love, giving, and kindness, expecting nothing in return.
Talking - In any way necessary, you must, as a couple COMMUNICATE. It is so important to talk one-on-one about all of your thoughts, needs, desires, frustrations, feelings, hopes, goals, and plans for the future together. When both of you share common goals, and know where you're both headed, you will tend to understand each other's actions much better. When you discuss EVERYTHING with your dance / life partner, you start thinking as one person. Through healthy and mature discussions, both of your actions are better understood, and your relationship together is much more fulfilling.
- Edie, The Salsa FREAK!!
Edie, The Salsa FREAK is a freelance writer and is one of the most sought-after Salsa instructor/performers in the world. She has traveled to over fifty countries teaching and writing about the world of dance, business, relationships, and life. She lives on airplanes, trains, and dance floors throughout the world.