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With the overwhelming popularity of partner dancing lately, more and more dancers all over the world are busy looking, choosing, and quietly deciding who to partner with. This month, I'd like to discuss how to find (and keep) a good dance partner, and how to prepare for a dance competition. Aside from our free partner-search service, partners can be found in classified ads in the newspaper, in dance magazines, at colleges, in studios, and in nightclubs. The first thing you have to decide on, is what type of partnership commitment YOU, YOURSELF are willing to make on a personal level.
These questions, my friends, are what you need to ask YOURSELF first. Once you've made the decision, and your desire to compete and perform is more powerful than your good sense, you're ready to find a partner. Now. Finding a partner with the EXACT same personal commitment and passion as yourself is a whole other issue. Not only do they need to have the above similar commitments, but must also live "geographically" close to you so you don't spend hours on the freeway commuting to get to each other. On an extreme case, professional ballroom dance competitors/instructors tell me that to show that type of commitment to the sport and to each other, most partners either live together, or marry each other, just for the mere convenience of the time required to train, instruct, and compete. Finding a good partner is like finding a good spouse. Sometimes it's just like a marriage. Some tell me it's "worse than a marriage". Well, being formerly married myself, and having a dance partnership for over a year, I'm here to tell you that the two relationships are EXTREMELY similar. There is a tremendous amount of commitment, perseverance, compromising, submission, and patience dealing with issues that must be worked out like two mature, rational adults. There may also be arguments, fights, and hurt feelings that only a marriage-like, loyal relationship can withstand and endure. Total commitment to a serious dance partner is not easy. Janette Valenzuela, Professional Los Angeles Salsa instructor, says "When you think you've found the right partner, both of you must sit down and set your goals together first, in the very beginning." I couldn't agree with her more. What I suggest is that both of you write down your ultimate goal - your ultimate objective for partnering. Would you like to just "Place in the Top Five", or do you want to "Go for the Gold" and do whatever it insanely takes, with a passion, obsession, and blood on your teeth, to win. If you're going to spend the time, energy, and resources to do this, then you've both GOT to write down your ultimate goals. If you don't, there is an incredibly slim chance you'll make it. You'll end up wasting your valuable time. I suggest you write down your goals very clearly, on a simple sheet of paper, with a defined date written on it. My first partner, Angel Galvan, and I did this when we were training for the 1996 Mayan competition. We wrote down, on a sheet of paper the words, "Win first place at the Mayan Competition, May 11, 1996". We taped up that sheet of paper in our practice area in clear view from day one of the preliminary rounds. It was so prominently placed in our practice area, and so etched in our minds, that if someone were to wake either of us up in the middle of the night, in the midst of a dead sleep, and yelled, "WHAT'S YOUR GOAL?" In a half stooper, eyelids half open, and complete daze, we would grumble back, "To Win first place at the Mayan Competition, May 11, 1996..." Well, needless to say, we won the Mayan, on May 11, 1996, just as planned, and right on schedule. The power of the written word, and it's affect on the mind truly works. Having a clear, written, visible goal at all times in front of the both of you keeps you focused on your objective. It helps you to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles and odds. It helps you to prevent strangling each other. It focuses the both of you, and helps you in naively believing that you actually "can" do the impossible.
It's nice to have an "attractive" partner. Keep in mind however, that the judges are not judging on superficial facial good looks, bodies, makeup nor hair-do's. It does help, but not when the rubber meets the road. They are judging on timing, execution, creativity, routine complexity, partnership, and your ability to DANCE. These criterion have absolutely NOTHING to do with great legs. If however, you are not competing and just doing shows, then finding a drop-dead gorgeous partner who is "trainable" would work here. I've seen this happen quite often. It's sad for very talented dancers who get overlooked and passed up for performing in shows and events because of their lack of physical beauty or age. This is unfortunately, just the way it is in our superficial, and sometimes painful world. Getting back to "dating" your partner. Unfortunately, in dance circles, it is ALWAYS assumed that you're more than just partners. I got asked CONSTANTLY if Angel was my boyfriend (he was not). I had people come up to me and ask if they could "dance with my husband" - referring to Angel, my partner - he was not my husband either. "Yea right. By all means!" I would say, "Please do! Take him, he's YOURS!" We practiced so often together that we got sick of even dancing together socially at times. Having sex with your partner is a decision that you both have to make. Ladies, I'm not saying, that in order for you to have a great partner you must sleep together, this is far from the truth. BUT, it is eventually something that may cross both of your minds at one point or another. Some people truly believe that having sex with your partner actually "helps" the chemistry in your partnership. I personally believe it actually hurts it - but then again, that's my own personal opinion that can be argued until the cows come home. I highly recommend you NOT have a sexual relationship with your partner - unless of course you were dating first, and decided to be partners, or obviously if you are already married. If you end up having problems with your personal, sexual relationship, those problems will flow into the dance partnership as well. If it gets to the point of being so bad that you break up, your dance goals, and everything you've worked for will all have gone to waste. Great partnerships withstand the test of time when you're both friends first and foremost. If you're dating your partner, there must be a clear definition between the relationship and the partnership. If you argue with each other during practice, it will flow into your dating relationship and you'll have a terrible sex life. What may happen is that you break up the dating relationship, but choose to remain partners. This rarely happens, however I have actually witnessed this on three occasions. The few times I've seen this work, is when the partnership is one of the best of the best in the city or country, and you're both making money performing and instructing together. It was awful when one of my many dance partners year wanted to start a dating relationship with me. He wanted it so bad that it got to the point of where he (for some VERY STRANGE REASON) very rudely grabbed and caressed my breast in the middle of a song, in front of a group of people. I was so disgusted and so pissed off at him that I walked off the dance floor and broke up our partnership immediately, and will never, ever dance with him again. This was so sad, because he was such a great dancer, and we danced SO WELL together. He just wanted more from me than what I was willing to give. Some people just "assume" you're their property if you're their partner. One of my new partners is King Fiti, Lord of the Chatboard. He is a very dear long time friend of mine, and I've enjoyed dancing and competing with him immensely. He's a ton of laughs and sometimes puts me into hysterics on the dance floor. I have so much fun with him, that I wouldn't trade him for anyone. We have a unique agreement, in that if a show comes up, we'll do it if we can. We're not TOTALLY committed to each other like glue. We leave a lot of breathing room between us. We're NOT dating, we just love dancing together. We've only practiced "once" in my living room. We don't have the time to practice because of our hectic schedules. We come up with crazy moves just out of sheer creativity and screwing around at various nightclubs. If he wants to compete / perform with someone else, that's fine with me, and visa versa. This has been, to me, one of the most beautiful relaxing partnerships I've ever had. Jealousy. Dancers can be insanely jealous. Believe me. I know these things. Let's not beat around the bush here. You must be prepared to feel like your partner "owns you" for some odd reason. Although you may not even have a dating relationship with them, they may still not want you to dance with "certain men or women". Believe me, even if they don't show it, if you look better dancing with someone else, or if there is a threat of them losing you, I can guarantee you the subject will come up in one form or another. Feelings of insecurity and domination may come out, and this may be something you must be prepared to deal with. I would make it very clear up front that when you're practicing together, you're together. But when you're in a nightclub dancing socially, it's FAIR GAME out there and there are NO CLAIMS on you, by your partner, or anyone. Believe me, if you both agree to this all up front and in the beginning, it will save you a lot of mental stress, jealousy, and pain later on. The dance relationship must remain a business and FUN relationship - with no personal, passionate feelings involved. Who cares if your partner looks great dancing with someone else. If you're both committed to each other, it shouldn't matter. You chose to work together, and that's it. Your partner chose YOU, so leave it at that. They know, that if they danced with someone else, they may not be able to get along. Remember, you are compatible, and they chose YOU as their partner for a reason. Trust in that, and respect them for it. On the other hand, if your partner is a DOG, and in the middle of your partnership decides to DUMP you for someone else, well, consider it a lesson of life. Don't stress about it. You won't be the first one this happened to, and you won't be the last. Something terrible would have happened between you anyway, so consider this a "savior" of that forthcoming event. Don’t show a long face, act sad or pissed, just brush it off, smile and wave, and MOVE ON. There is NO REASON to show your pain, to him/her, nor anyone else. If you do, YOU WILL LOOK BAD. Not them. Remember, attitude is EVERYTHING. If you sulk, NO ONE will want to be your partner in the future. Remain happy - go - lucky, and always remember why you started dancing to begin with… One of the most essential traits about a good partnership is that you honestly respect and admire the way the other person dances. You must honestly like their style. You like their sex appeal, their timing, and feel in your heart, that they're very, very good. You would be amazed at how much more fun and creative you both can be when you respect and enjoy each other's dance style. I like having a blast when I dance, so I always end up with partners that crack me up while we're dancing - even if they're not the best of the best. I hate being too serious. If my partner makes me laugh, then I have a better attitude, and it truly shines during a performance. King Don Fiti, one of my current partners, is always impersonating other dancers (and a particular promoter) while we're dancing. Sometimes I laugh so hard, I lose the step, and screw up - but that's only when we're dancing socially. I had another partner whom I did a number of shows with that danced so "funky groovy" that I was in constant amazement with him. Sometimes I would want to stop dancing just to watch his body move and start laughing! Practice. During practice, you've got to be tolerant of each other. You should set out your goals for the session, and then build from there, the next session. I highly recommend purchasing or borrowing a video camera for your practice sessions as this speeds up the rehearsal / finding mistake process. You may even think, "Oh, I'm not ready to be videotaped yet..." but I can guarantee you, if you don't start RIGHT AWAY, a lot of effort and hours will be wasted from the beginning. I suggest videotaping how you both dance together in the very beginning, keep the tape, and then compare how you dance together in a few weeks. I'm hear to tell you, you will NOT BELIEVE the difference and improvement if you can hold out that long. Preparing for an Audience. I also suggest getting a disinterested non-dancer, third party to occasionally come in and watch you. This will help you perform "in front of an audience". If you've made it past the preliminary rounds, I suggest you also go to a popular dance studio and ask if you and your partner could do a "show" for one of their parties they usually hold for all their students on Friday nights. Most dance studios have these types of "social dance get-togethers", and are always delighted and consider it a treat to have an "outsider, guest couple" come in and perform a sexy Salsa or Mambo routine/exhibition for the "upcoming competition". This is INVALUABLE audience experience while preparing to be "judged" at the actual competition. You can even ask the studio instructors to video tape the performance, and ask their advice on where and how you can improve. They are always more than happy to help you in exchange for the free performance you just gave their students and patrons. Seeking Professional Advice. Hiring a professional to help you out is very necessary. They will catch things that you may have missed, will help you with your choreography, and basically take you right up to the upper echelons of your fellow competitors. All winners of the Mayan competition sought professional advice and instruction prior to their win.
Costumes / Outfits. Your outfits should match in color and fabric, or at least be similar. I suggest PRACTICING WITH THEM ON,and doing your entire routine while wearing them FIRST, before you compete. Don't just practice ONCE with them on, but several times. There is nothing more embarrassing and terrifying than when a crotch-snap on a bodysuit unsnaps open when you have on a flare skirt and NO UNDERWEAR. There is also nothing more frustrating to watch than a strap on a woman's dress that keeps falling over her shoulders and getting in the way of her arm movements. That's one of the reasons why I suggest ALWAYS carrying at least THREE extra safety pins to every competition. Pin them on under your skirt in a hidden place in case there is an emergency on stage just minutes prior to your performance. Believe me, the audience gets COMPLETELY DISTRACTED when you try to pull your outfit back together in the middle of your routine. I also suggest bringing an extra pair of dance shoes in case of an emergency. During the Mayan contest last year, the strap on my shoe broke off during the warm-up. I had no other shoes to wear! So I did the routine while dragging my right foot, and tried to hide the fact that I could not lift up my foot for fear of my shoe falling off! The ONLY reason we made it to the semi-finals was because we were the only professional couple competing that night at the Preliminaries! I could have danced barefoot, and it wouldn't have mattered. Outfit problems DO NOT GO UNNOTICED in the middle of a performance. The audience notices EVERYTHING. Videotape yourself with your competition outfit on. Ladies, if your butt or breasts end up hanging half-way out after the first 30 seconds, don't wear it. Why? Because that's all the audience NOTICES. You can forget about a killer routine. If your body parts are falling out all over the place, TRUST ME, it looks bad. When this happens, I've seen guys look at the woman this is happening to, look at each other, look down in embarrassment, shake their heads, and cover their eyes. Believe me, you'll look sloppy, unprofessional, and unprepared. I am here to tell you, this is FAR FROM sexy. And don't think your "butt" is "all that". Remember, ESPECIALLY during a competition, everyone is watching and evaluating you like a hawk. They are watching you through a MAGNIFYING glass, just waiting for you to screw up. Nightclub audiences are so unbelievably critical it's scarey. If you think too hard about what they're thinking about you, you'll screw up. So don't think about it. Forget about the audience. Be as comfortable and relaxed as you can. If you like your outfit, and it's COMFORTABLE during competitive Salsa dancing, (ie., you can run a 100 yard dash with it on, do a few cartwheels, toe-touches, full-body twists, a back hand-spring, and 50 jumping jacks IN A BLOWING STORM WIND, without it falling off or apart), you'll be just fine. You will be surprised at how many "last minute" outfit emergencies happen because of a strap too tight or loose, or dress too long or in the way. Don't wear outfits that are too flashy or gaudy, just something simple, slick, and in good taste. Ask several friends their opinions BEFORE you compete with them, and NOT your mother or family. Your friends will have a better and more accepting opinion. Music. I cannot stress enough to you, how important your music selection is. I've seen COUNTLESS competitions where I knew the competitors were phenomenal, but they chose slow or drab music that completely MESSED IT UP for themselves. Bad music will rob you of a win if you're not careful. Just because YOU like a song, doesn't mean that anyone else will. You've GOT to choose dance-able, up-beat music that will ROCK THE HOUSE just from people hearing it. You want to affect the crowd with the song, and for everyone to say "Wow!!! I love that song!" You can even mask a poor routine or tiny mistakes you make with the music your choose believe it or not. I've seen it happen. Fellow Competitors. It's amazing how much everyone suddenly "stops talking" to each other, or "hides moves" in nightclubs because they don't want other competitors "steeling their moves". Well, it's true. If you show your best stuff before the competition, and in the Preliminary and Semi-final rounds, others will work harder to beat you, or even perfect/copy your moves for the finals - this has happened to my partner and I on countless occasions. You will be surprised at all the identical moves at final competitions. Uniqueness is important. Try not to duplicate. Save your BEST and most complicated moves for the Finals. You'll need them to have that "edge" in the end. Facing the Audience. Don't forget to face your audience not just at the end, but in the middle of your routine! I can't tell you how many times I've seen the guy put the woman in what appeared to be a beautiful dip or drop, but all you saw was his back side! To Do a Routine, or Not Do a Routine. If your partner is an off-beater, do a routine. Reason? If they can't keep the rhythm, they'll be noticed, and the judges will see that. A very well-planned, thought-out routine to the peaks and valleys of pre-selected music will mask the off-beater's problem. On the other hand, if your partner dances very well to the rhythm, and this is a "street" Salsa/Mambo Nightclub dance competition, I would just dance normally, and throw in a few awesome moves during the peaks, valleys, and natural pauses in the music. The man should be familiar enough with the song and also be able to calculate when these will happen. The chances of you screwing up a pre-planned routine are very high. If you dance well together in nightclubs, and you both are on beat, a routine is really not necessary - especially for street dancing (aka social dancing) nightclub competitions. I've seen professional couples put together a pre-planned choreographed routine for a competition, and NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO, they never look as good as when they're just dancing free style. I've tried telling them this, but no one seems to believe me. You have to fit a lot of cool moves into 2 minutes. To prevent "forgetting" to do them (and to avoid the WRATH of your partner reminding you of this afterward....), practice the tough moves and perform them in the first part of your performance. Plan what your entrance will be and that's basically it. Let her know in advance which set of moves you plan on doing. Name your moves, and call them out while you're dancing. Make it natural. It will look better and both of you will feel and look more natural, rather than the "all too familiar", wide-eyed, calculating, half-afraid, "deer in headlights" look. Finding Moves. Where do you find good moves? Lots of places. You can tailor your own moves just goofing around at a nightclub, you can watch other dancers, competitive ballroom, figure skating, swing and hustle videos, and you can also hire a professional to teach you moves. This is what ALL THE PROS DO. The Pros study videos, first and foremost. There are thousands and thousands of moves. The chances of you "creating" a new move are very slim. What you do is tailor the moves you see others do, to your own style and techniques. You may even see a move, and do it backwards or to a different timing. You may even add a drop, or dip to the end that would make it unique. You may even perform the move multiple times and call it "new". Needless to say, there are no "new moves" - just tailored replications of moves that are decades old that other people have copied, tailored, copied, tailored, and copied, tailored again. Angel and I used to write the names of the moves on pieces of 8 x 10 paper, and tape them up in our dance studio (his garage). We could then see them in plain view, call them out and practice each one while dancing. This prevented us from working on a move, perfecting it, then moving on to the next, and next, and next, and forgetting what move we had done weeks earlier! I used to type up a list of all our moves on the computer, and bring them to practice so we could review them prior to dancing. Sometimes I would even bring my laptop to practice! It would seem we ALWAYS forgot to do moves and practice old stuff we had learned before. The taped-up pages and list of moves proved invaluable for us. Well, there you have it. I've told you all the secrets that have helped me win six competitions, and place top three in four others. Best of luck to all of you. I know what you're going though, believe me. I'll be rooting for you! |
