Dating - or Whatever - Your Dance Instructor...
Another "The Truth Hurts" Story by Edie, The Salsa FREAK
Ladies, when you first learn to dance, there is no bigger turn-on than your dance instructor wanting to date you. You have no idea what he sees in you, because you're not at his level (at least not yet), and find it flattering he's attracted to you at all. If the chemistry is right, give it a try. However, be aware of certain circumstances and situations that could possibly ocurr, even in the best of relationships.
Keep in mind that this article is talking about a large percentage of most male instructors. There is that small percentage that have run the gamut, and have learned many hard lessons. Some change, most don't. Here, I'll let you decide.
First of all, you've got to realize that dating your instructor is an excellent way of eventualy losing a great instructor, and instructors, this is an excellent way of eventually losing a great student. It's obvious that in dance, both men and women are attracted to each other in some way. Some, more than others. When you dance well together, the chemistry intensifies, and can make for an extraordinary, fantasy relationship, both on the dance floor and off. But as the weeks and months roll along, the fantasy starts to fade when you start finding his dirty socks and underwear lying around, and he sees you with no makeup and in a mud mask and curlers. The initial dancing enchantment is only skin-deep.
Unless you develop an excellent friendship first, along-side a pure relationship with God, and you wait for sex until after marriage, the relationship will be very superficial and extremely difficult to maintain.
You see ladies, faithful instructor or not, women adore male dance instructors. They always have, and always will. It's a known fact, that male instructors are constantly bombarded with women practically tripping over themselves to be with them. When a beautiful woman throws herself at a man in his weakness, he'll find it incredibly difficult to hold back.
I've had instructors with very dedicated girlfriends or wives tell me all types of stories. The women these men dance with or teach get so turned on by them, that she literally asks him very bluntly to take her - home, or slip him the key to her room or apartment. "What are you doing afterward?" She asks. "Well, I have another private." He responds. "What about after that?" She asks again. "I'd like to take you out to dinner, or a drink." Well, I'm going home to my girlfreind. "Oh, no one will find out. This will be just between you, and me. No committments, just you and I. Just for tonight." He thinks for a second, looks at her, analyzes if she's beautiful, or worth it enough, then makes his decision.
Yup, it's all about looks or laurels at this point folks. Nothing in between.
When you date your instructor, be aware he has many students. Many of them are young and beautiful, and will stop at nothing to get a piece of him. They are infatuated and crazy about him, whether they know you exist or not. You see, these women don't care if he's taken. In fact, it makes him just that much more appealing. I've had male instructors tell me they get approached more by other women while they're seriously dating someone, then when they're not.
Ladies, be prepared for a life of headaches and heartaches. If you're the non-jealous, turn-the-head-the-other-way type, he's the perfect man for you. If you laugh at his stories of women throwing themselves at him, then stay with him. If you can handle an occaional lonely evening six times a week... then date your instructor. In fact, he would probably prefer you than others, so he can get away with having his cake and eating it too. He'd also prefer that you not dance much, and just stay at home, waiting for him to walk through that door. Of course, that may not be until 8:00 in the morning, but then again, he's a dance instructor. Right? It's his job to go out and get new students each night. If you date a nightclub instructor, that's exactly what your life will be like.
So let's say that you can live with this, and even after all that, you've decided to continue dating your dance instructor. Why? There's the affection and love he can give you like no other man on earth. If you can look the other way, and live with all his little - and not-so-little habits, he's the man for you.
Ladies, you'll also need to realize that when he's at a club, SO ARE ALL HIS FEMALE STUDENTS. And yes, you guessed it, they'll all want a dance with him. No problem. Expect to only catch a song or two with him the entire night - if that. Keep in mind, that just because you are now "the instructor's girlfriend", this does not mean you will be his favorite, or only dance partner. He may have a "strictly business" dance partner, or many others. Remember, he loves you for different reasons, and trust me, dancing may not be one of them.
You also can't get jealous when he's dancing with other women that he looks phenomenal with. It's his nature to make her look good, to make him look good, so he'll get more business. That's how his business works.
Over time, you may get to the point of where you both go out to different places to enjoy yourselves. You may even opt to not go out at all. More than likely, he's been teaching so much that even the thought of going out to dance for the entire night is completely unappealing. So now, your dancing days with your instructor-boyfriend are pretty much shot.
You'll also need to know that your instructor-boyfriend will be aggressively propositioned by a beautiful woman at least once a week. He may appear to be faithful to you, but you'll need to know right now, that the truth is, that the truth hurts. He may, or may not go there, but trust me, you will never find out about it - at least not from him.
Usually you'll start "hearing things", rumors, a friend of a friend tells all, you get little anonymous notes in the mail, and anonymous messages on your answering machine that he's fooling around on you - but the little messengers never divulge their names. Some of your closest freinds will come up to you and tell you flat-out not to trust him - but they won't tell you why, and they won't be specific. You won't want to believe a word they say because it's all just hearsay. Suddenly, no one seems to want to be honest with you - not even your own friends. Why? They know you love him, and they don't want to ruin what appears to be a good thing. They refuse to be the deliverers of bad news, and possibly ruin your relationship.
Your own friends won't want you to hate them, and so it is now THEM, that turn the other way, and will refuse to say anything to you. They don't want to be hated by him, or misjudged by you, because they like him as a friend, consider him a great instructor, and they like you too. Their superficial friendship with the both of you is more important than brutal honesty at this point. Besides, who wants to get mixed up in his web of lies and guilt anyway? Only a fool would go meddling around in another couple's personal affairs. They would rather just stay out of the whole thing, hoping some day you'll come to your senses and drop him like a bad habit.
Unfortunately, they don't realize that the longer they hold out of telling you the truth, the worse the sitution gets. It's an absolute nightmare. Once you start finding out little things here and there, you come to the stark realization that no one has been up front and honest with you, and you can't trust anyone to tell you the truth. You assume it's just jealousy from other women, and people will do anything to wreck your relationship. You then turn to your instructor boyfriend, and confide in him what's going on. He comforts you and assures you that it's all just ridiculous lies, and to stop believing everything you hear. He tells you he loves you, and that's all that matters.
At this point, the only person you think you can trust,
is the very man who's been cheating on you.
Only your true friends will come forward, and tell you everything. This is where you'll find out who your real friends are.
Dating your dance instructor can be both a whirlwind romance and a slow death. Just remember, before you take that step, realize there's a lot to consider, a lot to accept, and a lot to think about. Consider the price you've got to pay for his love. My advice to you is to look around you. Analyze the percentages of marriages in the nightclub dance scene. Watch closely how instructor girlfriends act. Do they really look happy? Take a very close look at each relationship, and ask yourself honestly, if it's worth it. Remember, this article is a generalization. There are some instructors out there who are decent people, and make excellent spouses. However, the truth is, that those few are few and far between. Who knows, you may find a real gem!
- But then again, don't hold your breath.