The Essence of a Man...
By Edie, The Salsa FREAK 

Guys, want to make your dance partner feel like a million dollars out there?  The more I teach, the more I realize dance is a lot like life itself.  In life, what attracts most women is a man that understands her limitations, compliments her talents, and loves her, despite her handicaps.  In dance, it's understanding her footwork,  her armwork, and the timing of her turns - not yours.  

Making the woman feel comfortable, understanding her limitations, and showing off her talents is paramount to an amazing lead.   

Guys, what I'm trying to say, is... 

You don't have to know every trick in the book to please a woman.   

It seems as though there is more pressure now a days to perform every trick and complicated turn pattern ever created to satisfy your partner.  NOT SO!!!  There are times when we just want to RELAX and enjoy the dance itself.  Not be pushed, pulled, or yanked into impossible, choreographed leads.   

Case in point:  I usually dance hard-core SLAMMING Salsa with this amazing Salsero I know.  Every time we dance together it's like a huge tornado just blew in town and destroyed the entire city.  Afterward, I'm so winded and wiped out, I have to sit down panting, catching my breath while wiping the sweat off my face, reminding myself that "this is so much better than the Stair Master."   

The other day, I don't know what got into him, or what he was thinking, but he put me into the most beautiful, soft, sensual lead I've ever felt in my entire life.  I wasn't winded, I wasn't on my highest guard, I wasn't STRESSED OUT.   I was simply taken care of - like a fragile glass ornament the entire song.  When he dipped me, I felt like a dove landing on a soft pillow.  It was nothing short of amazing.  He was my Protector - my Knight in Shining Armor, taking care of me and loving me with simple basic steps and comforting turn patterns I could follow well.    

He took my breath away.  

When the song was over, I looked at him, smiled and said, "Now THAT was nice."  Now, when I see him at a club,  I look at him differently. I now admire his strength and his character.  He wasn't just trying to show off - he was dancing for ME.  He wasn't DANCING me, he was letting ME DANCE.  

When a man learns how to display his woman, understand her, and gives her the freedom to play, not only does SHE look incredible, but HE looks even better.   

There are some guys out there that make you feel like a tramp, and others that make you feel like a lady.  Well, he made me feel like a lady that night, and I'll never forget it.     

Here are a couple of letters written to me about various leads:  

"Dear Edie, I've only felt it once.  All he did was the basic step the entire song.  But there was something about that basic;  his movement... his feeling... it came from his chest... his heart... his hands... it was absolutely incredible.  I could have danced with him all night..."  

"Dear Edie, I get so tired of all these complicated moves and turn patterns all the time.  And these tricks!  I mean, what woman on earth can possibly withstand that type of abuse the entire night?  You have to be an ex-gymnast, in Olympic training, or 19 years old to take this kind of abuse every night.  These guys are getting pretty rough, putting me in every neck drop and trick in the book, and I'm getting tired of it." 

His Amazing Lead. 

There is a certain type of lead I crave.  When I find it in a man, I look into his eyes and smile softly.  I close my eyes, and relish in the moment.  I experience and cherish his strong, firm, yet comforting hold.  It's an "I'm going to take care of you" lead.  It's a "Let me show you how special you are" lead.  It's a "You're a precious glass ornament for the next four minutes, and my job is to protect and love you" lead. 

Gentlemen.  An amazing lead is all about HER.  Remember that.   

From the moment he took me on the dance floor, I felt it.  That something that exudes from the innermost being of a seasoned man of character, integrity, strength, and confidence.  He led me into a simple basic... but let me tell you, that simple, most beautiful basic literally took my breath away.  He was a seasoned dancer, with years of experience that probably new every trick and turn pattern in the book in his youth.  Yet, he took a refinement of the basic back to its rawest level.  Simply put, "incredible".   

There are times when I just crave a slower song; something I can feel from the inner core of my being.  I want a dreamy lead... with a partner who can be simple, yet strong, light, yet firm... someone who carries me into the music with him; someone who is one with the rhythm, gently inviting me into his world, softly, quietly... no threats, and no fear.    

The Essence of His Basic.

The basic, underlying essence of a man.  Underneath all the glitz, nice clothes, good looks, turn patterns and combinations, is the true essence of a man.  To be in his arms for that brief moment in time, is like falling in love all over again.  To succumb to his lead is like surrendering every ounce of your being to him.  The strong, confident, yet quietly romantic lead of a simple basic is not only hard to find, but hard to perfect.  In a one-on-one situation like a private lesson, it can actually be broken down, and taught.   In my next article, I will explain in great detail how this is done.  

Some men still find it hard to believe that you don't have to throw every trick out there to please a women. 

Guys, being yourself, and finding comfort in that, is what turns us on.   

Throughout my travels, below are a few comments I've gotten when I ask a guy to dance...

"Edie, I'm too intimidated to dance with you. I don't know that many moves." 

"Edie, I don't want to dance with you, because I feel like I have to perform flawlessly, and I can't take that kind of pressure right now."

"Edie, I feel completely inadequate around you, and right now, I would rather die." 

Then... when they DO reluctantly say "Yes"... in the beginning of the song, they'll say the following:  

"Edie, I just broke out into a cold sweat, my mouth is dry, and I can't believe how nervous I am." 

"Edie, I'm not enjoying myself right now.  I'm not having a good time...." 

Oh brother. 

WOULD YOU RELAX...  PLEASE?  Do I come across as some sort of ogre who will crucify you if you don't put me into a neck drop and flip?  HELLO!!! 

Guys, GIVE YOURSELVES A BREAK.  Most women don't expect you to do ALL THOSE PATTERNS, ALL OF THE TIME.  There are times when a beautifully, soft but firm basic is completely satisfying.  I just love it. Challenge yourselves to impress your partner with your basic.  You can do it.  "It's OK." 

Whether he's doing just a few basic turn patterns, or none at all, the way he leads is so important.  The lead itself must come from the heart - literally.  It must come from the chest.  The movement of the rib cage - not hips - is paramount to secure that feeling.  If you watch a native from Cuba or Puerto Rico, his body movement comes from the ribcage - the upper-body rolling sway notably referred to as Cuban Motion.  In Article #2, I will explain not only Cuban motion, but proper Connection, Tension, and how to please your woman every time.   

Remember, dance is a lot like life itself.  You don't have to know every trick in the book to please a woman. Making her feel comfortable with you, understanding her limitations, and showing off HER strengths is paramount to becoming the man she loves dancing with.   

Continued in Article #2