Your article regarding dealing with leaders who are off-beat was a real eye-opener. I must rethink what I am doing.... This is a very important issue. I had decided I preferred to limit myself to the very best dancers as it is no fun for me otherwise and luckily, there usually are enough of them who ask me... HOWEVER, I do know that the few that I danced with VERY early on who were poor dancers DO remember that! And it is amazing how fabulous some of them get! The problem is a I seem to go backward in my dancing when I dance with "poor" dancers, in other words, I need to be (selfishly) challenged by good dancers to improve AND for the salsa "high". You have given me some VERY helpful ideas in how to handle all of this. 

Basically, at this point, somehow it is just understood by some of the poor dancers without my saying anything - they don't ask me... tho I do try not to say no and also some, as you pointed out, are downright dangerous... It is an inequity of life, that men can drag a poor female dancer around and make her a good dancer, but not vice versa and I also cannot teach anyone (I've lost track - I think I've been dancing 13 years or so and ballroom before that). I may have a completely different issue at hand, however, and that is those who keep CHANGING the beat - so that you have to stop and start over constantly...there is no way for anyone to look good in this situation is there? Were you talking about that as well? After a few attempts, I usually just try to dance apart (which I hate - I love salsa because it is a partner dance) and as you stated, it is amazing how many men know all the moves, but just can't get the footwork - if they keep you moving in turns, etc., they almost get away with it! It never dawned on me that some people just can't hear the beat - ever! 

It seems so natural, but then again, I am musically inclined and grew up with a metronome timing my playing my instrument! And yes, I have tried pushing the guy back into the proper beat - and yes, that is a lost cause and I do not want to make any enemies... By the same token, we are allowed to say no aren't we? I have not quite figured out the correct way to say this... I used to say "not right now, thank you" but then if a fabulous dancer comes by, there I go, so that isn't right... so my friends say just say "no thank you" - that I do not have to explain.... I do like to maximize the number of people I can dance with, because you are right, some nights none of the good dancers are there....and I just figure this is the price to pay if you want to dance with only the best. 

Unfortunately, it is easier for men to work on new moves than women, because as you know, if I learn something new, I have to wait for a man to lead me in it, whereas the man can go right out and try it... I guess that is where a dance partner comes in... I have had some great ones in the past... haven't been able to find one again...the few responses from the partner search on this site have been poor dancers.... It's funny how important this topic is... but only if you are really in the salsa world I guess. It was also VERY interesting, what you had to say regarding relationships and salsa. As I am single without a boyfriend, etc., I always try to keep my dancing - as only dancing! (God forbid, if I could not go to my favorite club because it was too painful to run into someone!) 

I have often tried to figure out whether it is better to be with a dancer or non-dancer as a better husband, etc. and I was thinking that since my impression is that the BEST dancers are "players" as they can have the pick of the women, I am better off with a non-dancer, but I liked what you had to say....You are right - it would be difficult to be with a non-dancer - tho I would just go on my own if I were married to a non-dancer - I would never give it up! Also, since I am not a "bar" person - only go to dance - I would think that many men there are bar goers, which I would not really want anyway... so.. anyway, thanks for all you had to say. I live in Chicago, but go out to L.A. a lot and LOVE dancing out there (smoke free! - imagine choking on cigar smoke while working out dancing!) and am going out to L.A. tomorrow (13th to the 31st) and hope to come by your studio as I stay in Santa Monica and of course will go to the Boat House!
Thanks, Shirley