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Why Does She Keep Saying “No”?
By Edie, The Salsa FREAK www.SalsaFreak.com www.SalsaWeb.com www.DanceFreak.com
- “Edie, she says ‘No’, every time I ask her. I mean, it’s not like I want to marry her or something. I just wanna dance!”
- “This woman I keep seeing at the clubs; every time I ask her to dance, she turns me down. I don’t understand it.”
- “I don’t know what it is about some women. They look me up and down, then say ‘No’. What’s up with that?"
- “Edie, I am sick and tired of being turned down by her. I don’t even ask anymore.”
- “If she turns me down once, that’s it. I will never ask her again. It will be up to her to ask me.”
- “Darn! What will it take? What did I do? What have I done? What can I do? What does she WANT?”
- “Edie, WHY does she keep saying ‘No’ to me???? She’ll dance with DOOFUS over there, but won’t even take an eye to me, and I’m MUCH better than him!”
- “Just what is she thinking? All I want is just one dance, that’s it!! I won’t even ask her again! I’ll even bargain with her! One simple dance! She keeps saying ‘No!!!’”
Women. The Toughest Things on Earth to Figure Out.
Women take the littlest incidents or situations, and make them really, really big. At times, they can completely blow things out of proportion. They misinterpret, confuse, and can unravel the strongest of men. They manipulate, contrive, and have caused more wars than religion itself.
Yet, they’re all men think about.
They can keep
men wound up like an eight-day clock,
seven days a week, 365 days a year…
… and they know it.
The power struggles between a man and a woman go back to the beginning of time, when Eve first ate the apple. A lot of people blame her (namely men). You know the story. Eve ate the forbidden fruit, felt bad, and then convinced Adam to do the same so she wouldn’t feel like she was the only one. The problem was of course, that Adam, in his weakness for her, did whatever she said, like a spineless worm with absolutely no backbone. When Adam saw Eve, Adam melted, and became a lost puppy with no macho, maleness to be found ANYWHERE. Obeying, following, and submitting to Eve was his FIRST mistake. Anyway, after she ate the forbidden fruit, Adam didn’t have the balls to stand up for his own self. He ate it too. He COULD HAVE and SHOULD HAVE said to her, “Nope, nuh uh. I’m not doin’ it Evee baby, no way. You can go ahead and eat all you want, feel bad all day long, but not me. I’m going to be man about this and stand my ground here, and that’s THAT. Just because You screwed up, doesn’t mean I have to as well. I’m not submitting to you, I’m not following you, and I’m not obeying you. My duty is to lead by example, love and protect you. But because you emasculated (de-masculanized) me by following someone else (the snake), I no longer have respect for you. You are not my problem. I am not responsible for your actions.”.
Oh yea Adam? Come to think of it, where were YOU anyway? Why did you leave Eve alone to be tempted by that snake to begin with? If Adam would have paid more attention to Eve instead of HIMSELF, and did his duty of loving her, PROTECTING HER, leading by example, and being with her, beside her, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. That is why the story is too one-sided when it is told. If Adam were not at all to blame, and he was perfect, and he was there, to prevent her from falling (eating the apple), and he lead by example, and protected and loved her, she probably would have never even wanted to be with another (snake) to risk being tempted.
But HE WAS NOT AROUND. He was nowhere to be found! Just what on earth was he doing that was so important? Did he have some pressing “meeting” he had to attend? An engagement that just couldn’t wait? NO!!! He was out dinking around, too worried about HIMSELF that he completely forgot about Eve for a while. I’m sure this built up over time – enough so that Eve was unafraid to go out on her own, by herself without him.
If Adam would have been “sinless” so-to-speak; without guilt, and he would have witnessed Eve eating the fruit, even after he said, “No”, Eve would have been banished from the garden by God, or eliminated altogether … and… we would all be… MEN!!
Oh my God.
Anyway, the story continues, that of course Adam blamed Eve when God found out. And obviously God knew all along that she would be nothing but a pain in his side from then on – after all, that’s where she came from… his side. Not his head to lead him, not his foot to be stepped on by him, but his side to be next to him as his partner and his helper / support person. She follows and submits to a loving, caring, honorable, confident, and protective man. (All of us sometimes seem to forget that part).
That’s all we want right? An equal partner, both in life, and in the dance. The original intent was that Eve was not only Adam’s partner, but his helper, at his side, responsible for always making him look good, supporting his decisions, and backing him every step of the way. So it makes sense that in partner dancing, the woman is expected to follow and submit to the man. NOW HOW EQUAL IS THAT?
Guys, this is one of the core reasons why she will tell you “no”. She has to follow and submit to your lead.
I’m here to tell you, that the only way she’s going to follow anyone is if she:
- Respects him.
- Likes him.
- Thinks he’s cute.
- Would consider dating him.
- Thinks he is worthy of her submission to him.
There are a number of reasons why she wouldn’t want to dance with you.
- You may have done something in the past to piss her off, of which you cannot rectify because the damage is already done. Even with an apology, a person can forgive, but they will never forget.
- You may be too young for her.
- You may be too old for her.
- You may be too short for her. Some girls feel awkward when his face is at her breast-level. (short guys should avoid closed position leads)
- You may be too tall for her. Some girls get offended when a taller guy accidentally and repeatedly brushes her breasts with his hands or arms while in closed position leads. (I teach taller men to avoid closed position leads with short girls at all costs)
- You may put her into moves that make her bend over in front of him – which to some women this is too sexually explicit.
- You may talk too much on the dance floor – accidentally spraying spit all over her face.
- You may not be experienced enough for her.
- You may be too advanced for her.
- You may put her into moves that compromise her femininity or womanhood.
- You may be putting her into moves that only a speedy racer / gymnast, professional, 19 year-old on cocaine could follow.
- You may be putting her into too – few moves.
- You may be just standing there, not moving your feet, just orchestrating her around you, and making her do all the work (styling).
- You may have body odor.
- You may have bad breath.
- You may have bad teeth.
- You may remind her of a father or boyfriend who beat her.
- You may remind her of a mass murderer she just saw on TV.
- You may remind her of her ex-husband.
- A man that looks exactly like you may have molested her at a young age.
You don’t know her history. You don’t know where she’s been or what she’s been through. You don’t know her life story… so MOVE ON! If she keeps saying “No”, the situation is completely out of your control. Work on your SELF. Work on becoming the most fabulous, comfortable lead in the world. Take classes SERIOUSLY, buy instructional DVDs, and take private lessons. Be the best YOU can be. It’s hard enough trying to change yourself, and virtually IMPOSSIBLE trying to change someone else.
How to Ask a Woman to Dance.
Sometimes the mere act of confidently extending your hand,
without any spoken words is enough to get her on the dance floor without
even realizing what she is doing, or who you are. When you extend your
hand, as a dancer, she automatically extends hers.
For every action, there is
an equal and opposite reaction.
As a follower, extending my hand when a man extends his, is as natural as white on rice.
If you ask with your mouth "Would you care to dance?" She will with her mouth say, "No thank you."
If you simply extend your hand to her, she will in turn, extend her hand to you.
WORKS LIKE A CHARM.
Truly, this simple act is all that is necessary. It shows you are confident (no words were spoken, so she doesn’t know you’re an idiot yet).
Just shut up and dance. Don’t talk to us on the dance floor. Wait till after. Wait till breakfast. If we’re interested in you, we’ll say “Yes” to a cup of coffee afterward. When we’re dancing, don’t ask where we’re from. Don’t tell us you only know a few moves. Don’t ask us to teach you on the dance floor. Don’t apologize for ANYTHING. This makes you appear WEAK AND FRAIL. Say nothing. Show your confidence, make everything look easy, place us in comfortable, flattering moves that make us feel feminine and maybe next time, we'll ask YOU to dance.
Let me know how it goes! wowedie@yahoo.com
Good Luck and Happy Dancing!
- Edie, The Salsa FREAK